A friend of mine said to me yesterday that not all foreign people adjust to living in Japan. She wondered how I was doing.
She's been careful to be available if I need help -- and a couple of times I really have -- and also to be my friend as much or more as she has been when I was going back and forth, but she's also left me on my own to see, on my own, if I was going to sink or swim and how well I might do it.
Sure, it's different. Yes, it's strange. No, it's not like the US.
Most significantly, it's not like being on vacation or going to school or having a short-term job.
Anybody can have a great time here for a few weeks or months or a school term, I think. Japan is a superb country for a holiday or adventure, given its history and culture, the old and the new, juxtaposed side by side, always with a secret wink. Fabulous scenery, wonderful architecture, a great sense of fun. Visitors have the benefits of hotels or other temporary lodgings like hostels, inns, student housing or Air BnB. There will be hospitable people full of patience and kindness, who can write out directions, summon cabs, coordinate logistics, make arrangements, read labels, order tickets and otherwise ensure the trip goes as smoothly as possible.
When you've been here a few times, you can do most of that yourself, but it's nice to have the safety net. Goodness knows, there are times you'll need it.
Living here is different. Very different.
It's all too easy to think you've seen it all, you've learned what it's like, that Japan is close to wherever you're from, just wearing different clothes. I will have been living here two years come the first of August, and traveled here extensively before that. It's easy to convince yourself that the values are basically the same and the systems work the same way and you just have to learn a little bit more about the details, study a few more words, but you have it down pretty well now.
If you're here with the usual work or student visa, they'll take great care of you. They don't want you getting in trouble or being unhappy and they don't think you'll be here all that long anyway. They've greased the skids and so you don't have to figure things out on your own. But that leads to a very shallow understanding, though much better than most leisure travelers. Yet, that's not why I'm here or what I'm doing. I want to acquire a deep understanding that I can share through my books so that others can come to love this fascinating country as I do. It's not easy.
Japan is hard for foreigners. Its values aren't yours. Its systems are like nothing you've encountered. I find that every time I think I'm getting close, understanding slips away.
Patience is a virtue, but it's never been one of mine. Here, I need lots of it. I need a very open mind.
I need to realize I am constantly working in a culture that is as alien to me as I am to it.
I have non-Japanese friends who also have interests that lead them to come here often, but who say openly -- at least to me -- that they could not live here and would not want to.
That's insightful of them. For the short term, Japan is fascinating and fun. If you're going to be involved with Japan for whatever reason, I hope you'll read
The Toki-Girl and the Sparrow-Boy series. I hope to charm you as only Japan can do, to give you enough understanding to get by, and to do so with compassion and grace for all concerned. For the long term, it's really not for everyone, but so far, I think it is for me.
The Dragon Sisters, Book 6 in
The Toki-Girl and the Sparrow-Boy series will be out towards the end of June. It's good. And it is for everybody!
